Well… another week in my awesome life is about to kick off.. will YOU be there? Well, you probably won’t be, but I will. Am I thrilled about that… I could go either way. This is how it has been for the past few weeks now. I am indifferent. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me. I am numb….

Is this my curse? Will emptiness and unhappiness forever follow me wherever I go in whatever I do? I looked to see what google has to say about what emptiness means and here is one of the definitions:

The Sanskrit word is Sunya. One of the key concepts in Buddhism. Emptiness is an abstract idea representing impermanence, unreality, instability, transience and relativity in the nature of all existence. The doctrine states that all phenomena and the ego have no reality, but are composed of a certain number of Skandhas or elements, which disintegrate. The doctrine also states that everything is unstable, possessing no self-essence or self-nature, i.e., its own existence dependent or caused by the conditions of others’ existence. Emptiness is not nothing, but it is the condition of existence of everything. It permeates all phenomena making possible their evolution.

Interestng huh? So… according to this, emptiness is a good thing. Maybe it is. Maybe I will evolve… but I think there is something deeper going on here. What part of me, and more importantly WHY is there a part of me that feels that it is not right for me to be happy… that it is not right for me to smile? What is wrong with me and what happened to me to make me have this problem? Would I still have this problem if I had never left NY or has moving brought this to light?

Nothing matters. Nothing is permanent. Things live and die and time never stops. In the grand sceme of things, we are nothing. Think about that one for a while.