My bedroom.

She warned me… Sara warned me not to watch them because they would make me miserable but I watched them anyway. Ever see the cartoon Rurouni Kenshin on [Adult Swim]? Well there are these things called OVA’s. I don’t know what it stands for, but they are way more violent and tell the story of what happened before and after the series on TV.

Basically, it is about a boy who is sold to slavery after his parents are killed. One night, he group is attacked and he watches them all get brutally murdered. As he is about to be killed, a swordsman shows up and takes him in. He becomes the greatest swordsman in Japan (probably the world too). He then decides that he wants to use his sword to help people even if it means taking the lives of others.

Basically, in the episodes, he is overcome with grief for the people that he killed and spends his life trying to help as many people as penance for all the people that he killed. He lives with the constant grief of being responsible for the death of his wife. Eventually he remarries and has a child and gives up the sword, but eventually wants to go back to helping people. He leaves again… both him and his wife have the same disease (not really sure what it is).

Basically it ends like this:

Both he and his wife are dying… he is in China and she is still in Japan waiting for him to return. His friend finds him and helps him get on a ship back to Japan. The end climaxes as they are both stumbling toward each other and dying… they hug and we him laying in her lap under cherry blossoms… she is talking about how she wants to have a cherry blossom party and invite all of their friends. As she is saying that, he dies… and finally his pain is gone.

I have been so unhappy all day. I miss Sara and everyone so much…

We are here in Dallas in the hotel room and I am bored out of my fucking mind. There is only one internet connection and it is not in my room. I have been on the edge of crying all day because the events of the last two days have reminded me VERY much of the day that Sara left me here in Austin.

When I was sleeping in Jose’s house last night. The room was just like it was when I first got there. When I got to my aparement, shit was all over the place, just like it was when I first got here. When we had to pick Rafa’s sister up, we had to go to DFW, which is the last place that Sara was in Texas. Lame… I know, to think about all of this… but… for some reason today I can’t help it. Mayhaps it is the bordem of laying around in a hotel room with absolutely nothing to do….

Who knows… hopefully these horrible feelings that I am having will pass…

So, we moved everything last night. Much thanks to Jose and Rafael for all of the help. The whole move took about 3 hours from packing the truck here to unpacking at my new apartment. The new apartment is freakin awesome. I love the way that the rooms are layed out and I can’t wait to start setting up all of my stuff.

Anyway… in the interest of time, I came back and slept at Jose’s house so we can all leave for Dallas from here (Jose’s house)… and I feel horrible. I am back in my room… on an air mattress JUST LIKE when I first got here. I feel like it was the day that I had to wake up at 3am to drive Sara to the airport. I feel the same anxiety… the same sadness and my heart is is my stomach…

I am Jack’s tear…

I miss her so much…..

I am taking a break from packing stuff up. No, I don’t have that much stuff, but I am being lazy. All that’s left really is to tape up the boxes and break down my computer. I can’t do that right now though b/c Adult Swim is on tonight and I MUST fall asleep during Futurama as I have done for the past few days.

I am turning into an old man. It sickens me. I don’t go out anymore. I want to start going out to see what this city has to offer. It has been pretty boring so far. That is not a shot at anyone here that I know here but myself for not taking enough initiative to get out there and see it. I think that once I am settled in my new place I will be more prone to going out.

Anyway, I am picking up the truck at around 430 tomorrow afternoon, leaving my car there and coming back here to start packing. I can load all the small stuff and have that ready for when Jose gets here. All in all, it shouldn’t take THAT long. I am going to go to Target during my break tomorrow to pick up some stuff. Nothing crazy b/c my mother told me to wait until they got there to buy stuff like that.

I am looking forward to living so close to my job. I have never been able to drive for 10 minutes to get to work. I have ALWAYS had a commute to deal with NYC. I am very much looking forward to just doing things whenever and however I want. Nuff a dat…

I am tired right now. We have been to the gym 4 days so far this week. Waking up at 6 kills me (I know… waaaaaaaa 6am waaaaaaaaaaa), but I do feel really good after I take a shower. Even if we just do cardio, I feel like I have done something good for myself… at least one thing.

I went to the free karate class that was offered at IBM on Tuesday night. It was ok… what did I expect for a free class??? It’s a close in style called Ryuken (hmm…. Street Fighter 2??) that is from Okinawa. It was ok for the first class… she showed 6 escapes from choke holds… mostly stuff I have seen before. I think that the problem is that I really miss kung fu. I think I just like it better than the Okinawan karate styles.

Oh well.. back to packin….

Today, we started studying for the Lotus Certification tests. I knew suprisingly more than I thought I would. Studying in a group is always better than studying by yourself because you can’t really slack off and not go through it. If you study in a group, you at least go through everything and you hear it so maybe you subconsious can pick up more than you think.

I am waiting to lose at ping pong again. Jose and Mauricio are battling right now. Their match has been going on for 2 hours I think. I lose every time. Sometimes, it’s not even fun anymore. That’s the point at which I stop playing. There is no point in getting fucked in the head from a game of fucking table tennis when there much more important things to be stressing about.

For the most part, I have all of my shit together. I packed up pretty much everything that I don’t need out in my room. I am pretty sure that I won’t need to get a van to move. I think that I am going to load my car up on Thrusday night so that on Friday, when I go to get my keys, I will just put in a whole bunch of stuff and then the only help I will need from Jose and Rafael is the big stuff like my bed, desk, and chair. I imagine it will take about 4-5 hours to get everything there and setup meaning getting the stuff there and then getting my bed togerhter, desk together and compute assembled again. I don’t expect to be done in a day.

I think that now I am going to watch Adult Swim from last night… oh wait.. finally the ping pong war is over.

Yes.. I lost… again… oh well… Adult Swim…

God fucking damnit I HATE the gym locker room.



I was never homophobic or have ever had any problem with gay people. The sight of a naked man makes me sick. These old men are disgusting. I don’t know what it is with them. Will I be like that when I am 50??… just walkin around bare ass naked in the locker room without a fucking care in the world when there is a perfectly good towel over my shoulder when it SHOULD be around my waist. Oh well… what can you do…

The first day back to the gym is always the harderst. Everything about it is hard. Waking up is hard… making breakfast is hard, making coffee is hard, getting out the door is hard… getting on the elliptical trainer is hard… I think we get the picture. But after… after you feel so much better. You have energy and also the will power of mind to resist the chinese food that makes you feel horrible everytime you eat it but you eat it anyway so as not to disturb the flow when it is offered to you for lunch from your office.

I feel good today from working out. Well you know, as good as can be expected given recent events. I want to start looking around for a kung fu school… I miss it very much. The only problem is that they are all so damn expensive.

Man, setting up utilities is the most fun in the whole entire world. It’s so awesome to hear about all the deposits and charges that you are going to have to be paying to everyone and their mother… all so that they can flick a god damn swtich to “install” your service. Amazing that we live in a world where the electic company can charge you a $200 deposit… for what???

Oh well… I woke up 10 mintues before I had to leave this morning. I still haven’t learned that as much as you set you alarm clock, it doesn’t work unless you turn the alarm on. I had a loud knock on my door at 8:17am. Good thing Jose woke up or I would still be sleeping right now…

Finally, after flying for 3 hours and driving for 3 hours, I am back home in TX. This weekend was definity one to remember. Sara and I finally got everything out and in the open. I don’t think now that there is anything left unsaid between us about me moving to TX.

It was one of the hardest things to stop hugging her so I could go to the airport. It’s the worst feeling that I can recall ever feeling. All I want to do is cry and my stomach is in a perpetual state of nausea (sp?)… but in some way I feel that a burden has been lifted. Finally, we have said what we needed to say.

I am very tired, so I will write more tomorrow…