$310 to sit at a computer and prepare a tax return… fucking ridiculous is all I am saying…

The Foo Fighters are geniuses…

You believe there's something else

To relieve your emptiness

And you dream about yourself

And you bleed and breathe the air

And it's on and onI just kinda died for you

You just kinda stared at me

We will always have the chance

We can do this one more time

Hell yeah, I remember aurora

All this timeTake me now, we can spin the sun around

And the stars will all come out

Then we'll turn and come back down

You believe there's somewhere else

Where it's easier than this

And you see outside yourself

And you buy the hole you'll fill

And it's on and on

On and on aurora wait for everyone

Wait till the last one's done

Goodnight…

Read the title, what do you think this one is about?

Jose asked me to drive himself and Lucy to the airport for his trip back to Spain today. I woke up at 4am to get them to the airport around 515. Now its close to 6am and I’m home. The Austin airport makes me sick. There is nothing wrong with it, but I can associate it with nothing but sad memories. Yes, I know… waaaaa people leave from the airport waaaaa…. well… I guess it’s just due to my mounting lonliness that these sorts of things affect me.

One thing though that did happen on the way to the airport which was kind of cool was this… we were on 2222 and there are no lights here on some routes. I ALMOST hit a dear. Now, when I saw almost… I did not see the thing until it was too late, but my car was already out of the way and swearving. I reacted without even registering the fucking thing at 415am… half asleep and braindead from the events of the week. Pretty cool…

Braindead you say?? Why braindead? Well… I am just adjusting to the new workload that I have to handle at work. I am sure that this won’t be a normal occurance, but last night when I got home I was nothing more than a fucking vegetable. I was on the phone with my mother and it was laborious just to get the damn words out of my mouth. All I did was stare at the TV for about 3-4 hours, then go to sleep. I was invited out by a friend from work, but didn’t go b/c I knew that if I did, I wouldn’t be able to wake up to drive to that god forsaken airport.

I am going to sleep now…

I finally started taking phone calls from customers on Monday. It was so great… so many things weren’t working. What a first day… but… now, when everything works, it seems easy!

It is hard getting used to the workload. Since I moved down here in October, my job has pretty much been everything at my own pace… no real deadlines or stress. Now, I have to worry about meeting expectations of customers and all that stuff. If I miss a follow up with a customer, that is a big fucking deal because when these people are talking to me, to them I am the company that I work for. That’s a little intimidating, but atfter 3 days, I am becoming more comfortable with it.

My family was here last week. It was so good to see them. Although it was cramped and a little annoying at times because we were in my 1 bedroom apartment and I didnt reallly sleep well while they were here, I still would not have had them not come. I am very happy that they did. I showed them a bunch of places in and around Austin. We went to San Antonio for a day to see the Alamo and some other cool things there. Most of all, it was just great for them to be here.

My karate classes have been good. We are learning some really cool stuff even some things with weapons.I have settled into going 2x week. I don’t feel right if I don’t go.

I have not been happy lately. Except for the days that my parents were here, I have been pretty lonley. Living alone kinda sucks. It feels good to be out on my own and all that, but… when I don’t have karate class after work, I don’t generally do anything. Its boring…

I went to a birthday party last night. My alcohol tolerance is totally shot… like seriously that of like, well someone who never drinks. I had like 3 big rum & cokes and that was it for me. So lame… and it’s not even that its too much… its too fast. I always do that… I REALLY need to learn to pace myslef hahaha.

So anyway, when Rafael woke me up ( = ) ), it was 1am and he drove my car home for me. I have good friends.

Suprisingly though, I am not really hung over. My stomach hurts a little, but that’s nothing that some food won’t sure. Anyway… gotta jump in the shower…

Karate was good tonight. We went over the blocks again, but then did some useful applications of blocks, elbows, and knees. It does feel good to be doing this again.

Time Warner finally came and fixed my damn cable. My phone works really well now. Well… so does everything else that needs internet connectivity.

I missed going to the gym this morning. I think I turned off my alarm in my sleep and by the time I actually woke up, it was 645 (an hour later than I should have gotten up). I guess my body was trying to tell me something. I had the intent, but it didn’t want me to… there is always tomorrow.

I am thinking of things that I would like to get for my apartment. I would really like one of those things from Linens N Things or Bed, Bath, and Beyond that run water over rocks. Before my karate class, I was standing outside the Tivoli building. The building is very new and there is like… a wall/waterfall outside the door. Just walking by it relaxed me. I would love to have that in my apartment.

It was a really nice day today. It was 75 and sunny. I guess thats it…. goin to sleep now…

I am very not happy tonight. I didn’t realize it all day, but… today 01/24 would be 2 and 1/2 years that Sara and I were together. I am very sad tonight. I don’t feel like doing anything, like talking to anyone… like being anything. All I want to do is get on a plane and come home.

They got a shitload of snow in NY. This is another reason I am not happy today. The last time there was a blizzard, I was in NY and I have such happy memories of shoveling and messing around in the snow with everyone. I remember going out onto the deck and shoveling… I remember making a cave for Sara and her sitting in it as cute as she is. I remember going back into the house and drinkin hot chocolate and warming each other in my bed. I miss her so much…

I am also very frustrated that I cant use my phone. Time Warner fucking cable sucks more ass then… well… something that sucks ALOT of ass. I always seem to have install problems with them. My cable modem works… except for when I am using it. As soon as there is some outbound traffic, the ready light breaks.

Moon…

Totally sweet lamp.

My sad dining room.