Just wait…

By now, you know that we are parents to be. We have a little over 4 months to go until the newest Goldstein is born. We get some really good advice, tips, and tricks from lots of people. Obviously, people have had kids before and offer up their words of wisdom and most of the time it’s all good stuff and very much welcomed.

Sometimes, though, the advice is a little ridiculous and sometimes downright negative. Now, I completely understand that lots of people probably don’t even realize they do this but, after hearing some of these things SO many times, it sort of becomes grating. So, because this is my blog and one of the only places that I can vent about stuff like this, here are some things that we hear VERY often that get under my skin:

  1. The phrase “oh just wait until…”. Yes… we know kids do a lot of stupid things and will try our patience and time. We know that they will do this, that, and the other thing. I can’t say that I am fully ready or will know how to deal with every situation as with any new parent, but, really, I don’t need the reminders. My wife doesn’t either. “Oh just wait until you’re in your 3rd trimester and…” … yup. We have read the books. We have talked to other pregnant ladies. It’s not pleasant. We know. If you had said this to me or her at some point, I have smiled and nodded… we hear it A LOT. Of course, *positive* statements that start in “oh just wait…” are more than welcomed.
  2. You being flabbergasted that we are not finding out the sex of the child. While I completely understand that today, everyone finds out what they are having, we don’t want to know. That doesn’t make us bad people or parents. I realize this is hard to understand for some people, but we really want that surprise when the kid pops out and makes his/her grand entrance. While I respect and understand your decision TO find out what you are having so that you can paint your nursery or buy clothing, please respect mine and don’t talk down to me about it. I don’t need your attitude. 
  3. You acting like we are committing heresy by wanting to have a natural childbirth in a birthing center. Hmm… let’s see. Humans have been around and reproducing for how long? If you are talking about humanoid type things, 2.2 MILLION years. If I want to be generous and just talk about homo-sapiens (us), that’d be about 200,000 years. How on EARTH did those women back then even give birth without doctors, epidurals, drugs, un-natural positions, and a gigantic medical industry pushing interventions on them?! How?! Please, someone tell me how. Now, you are going to tell me that I am being “crazy” or “irresponsible” for having my child in a MEDICAL FACILITY where my wife is free to move about and deliver in a position that is best suited for her. Perhaps you are the crazy one for just going along with what everyone tells you is “best”. If you’d like to have a discussion about the merits, benefits/detriments to birthing here, there, or over there, that’s perfectly OK, but again, please, don’t talk to my like I am out of my damn mind OR go the sarcastic route with phrases such as “well, good luck with that”, or “yeah, we will see how THAT goes”, or “you will be screaming for an epidural”. Granted, this is a completely new frontier for us. It’s our first baby. I know that you think since you have had a few, that you can be a bit high and mighty. Maybe you tried to have a “natural” childbirth in a hospital and didn’t turn out all that well for you. Stories of that sort are certainly welcomed. The more information we have, the better. But this “well, I did that and it was the worst ever and I will never do it again and I would get the epidural a week before delivering and you are nuts”, well, it really just makes me not want to talk to you.

I am trying really hard to not sound like a jerk here. I don’t want to turn anyone off from giving us advice or helping us though the experiences that they have had with all of this. I am POSITIVE that as we go along we will have TONS of questions and will want to hear how different people have done things.

I guess in a nutshell, what I am trying to say here is “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

If you know something that you think we will greatly benefit from, please, by all means, let if fly. But, if all you want to do is criticize, tear down, and tell me just how much worse it can get/will be, please, don’t say anything at all.

5 thoughts on “Just wait…

  1. Pat

    We mean well. Really.
    I didn’t know what I was having until my kids were born. Finding out at birth was much more exciting.
    I wanted a girl the first time… and got a boy. He was fantastic, and I wanted another one just like him. So I wanted a boy the second time around…. and got a girl. I was so excited. “Ooooo, I must have been good!” I only tell my daughter the second part of the story. She doesn’t need to hear that I wanted another boy. They still make life worth living, they’re 24 & 16 now.
    I hope you’re allowing for the possibility that Victoria may want anesthesia. I know you have a hospital set up for an emergency, but hopefully if she wants one? (Seton sucks and St David is wonderful and responsive. I don’t like Catholics messing with medical decisions. Or anything else, and yes, I’m lapsed Catholic.)

    1. bgoldstein Post author

      I know you mean well. This post was a “vent” mostly.

      To be perfectly clear, I am not dictating anything here. V was the one who was pushing for the natural childbirth from the start and I came on board with the idea after finding out more information.

      Austin birthing center totally has pain medication available if needed, just no epidural. They have petocin, but it’s only used in the case of the mom hemoraging after deliver. It’s not used to induce or speed up like in a hospital.

      This is her show and I’m there for support. If she feels she needs something, she will get something, but I am not vetoing or “disallowing”. We will need to see how things go once labor starts.

      And yes, I can totally tell that you are a lapsed Catholic. =)

  2. Pat

    Good. Victoria reminds me of myself when I was pregnant.

    Episcopalians are much better, all the pomp & circumstance, none of the misogyny & sanctimony.

  3. Keisha

    Gotta love it! Getting married, having kids, etc EVERYONE (including myself) wants to give advice! It’s nice, but it does get old! SO, if I’ve been a negative naysayer towards ya’ll here’s some positives…

    YES, being a parent is THE HARDEST job you’ll ever do, BUT it is by far the MOST rewarding job EVER!!! Yep, you won’t get much sleep in the beginning, but honestly for us that only lasted 6-9months with Isabella! Hunter is already, at 2wks old, giving me 5-6hr stretches between feeding sessions! You will also realize just a day or so after having the baby that you really don’t remember life before kids! You sit & wonder what you did with your time & you realize how content you are to just sit & hold a sleeping baby 🙂

    As far as labor – to each her own! Labor is different for everyone, it’s also different from pregnancy to pregnancy! Each person has to decide what is best for them & go with what feels right! So if that’s a 100% natural in a birthing center setting for ya’ll then great! The most important thing is the V is happy with the experience & she & the baby are healthy throughout the process 🙂

    OH! We didn’t find out what gender Isabella was until she was born & I LOVED IT!!! It was awesome & so special!! We did find out with Hunter, but it was still just as special when I delivered him. I also think it was important for us to know this tome so we could prepare Isabella too. We also chose not to share any of our name choices for either kids – I’m sure you know people will give their opinion on that too!

    Everyone does mean well, but it TOTALLY gets under your skin – trust me I understand!!

    1. bgoldstein Post author

      Thanks, Keisha! It’s so nice to see some positives. I agree with you on lots of that. What anyone does with all of this is their business as long as it makes THEM happy!

      I can certainly understand the need to know with the 2nd one. I know lots of people that have done that and can totally see the logic. Apparently you just don’t have much time after you have your first one? =)


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