This is not good…

I can feel myself slipping back into the lonley depressivness that I had around the time I turned 20. I go to work… come home… go to karate… come home… there is no one for me here. I am alone here. Not to say that I cannot handle being alone… I just dont like it. It sucks coming home to an empty apartment every night with no one to laugh with or talk to.

I don’t even want to go out and try to meet people. I can’t bring myself to believe that people would want to meet me… kinda works against you being in a new city and all. I havent been on a date since before I was with Sara… and even she is talking to me less and less.

So what do I do? I have lots of alone activities… I work… I go to the gym… I go to karate… I watch tv… I cook dinner… all alone. What’s the point? What’s the point of dressing nice or shaving or having a nice apartment or anything like that? No ones looking… no one’s paying attention. There is no one to share it with. This all kinda means nothing at the moment while it’s just for me.

I try to keep myself from being this way… from getting upset every night over the people and things that I miss terribly. Everything here has an undertone of sadness. I don’t know what to do, but if I can’t stop myself from feeling this way… I just dont know.

I am going to go to sleep… maybe in my dreams I can find the people and things that I miss and forget my sadness until my alarm goes off tomorrow morning and I have to return to this.

Whoever you are… I hope that you are doing better than I am… I hope that when you see the ones you love, you tell them that you love them and how much you care about them and that you would do anything for them because one day, you won’t see them everyday anymore and … well you get the picture…

See ya…