There you are again… you have been away for a few weeks. Thrilled that you’re back…

The lonliness is back this week… just peeking its head to make sure that I know it’s still there. I was invited to go out tonight with a group of people, but I made up excuses so that I wouldn’t have to go… I have a doc’s appt tomorrow… I’m really tired… well… I actually am really tired, but I not tired enough to not be able to go out…

The point is that I made up shit so that I wouldn’t have to be in the position to be out around people that I don’t know. It has been scaring me more and more lately to think about being around people that I don’t know. Thing is, when I know that I am making up these excuses to not go out, I sit home and feel sorry for myself. I think that if I would have gone, I would just be standing around feeling sorry for myself anyway b/c no one would talk to me… so why not do it in the comfort of my apartment? I can be there alone too…

Maybe I’ll sleep through the night tonight and feel like I actually slept. Maybe I will wake up tomorrow and actually feel like I am a person… maybe… I’m not gettin my hopes up…