I think I got it. I think I finally got it…
First off, let me start by saying that I am too happy to sleep. Now, a little background. I have been taking T’ai Chi classes for almost a year now, I would say. I have been learning moves up until this point, but tonight… tonight… something different happened.
As I was practicing, this overwhelming feeling of happiness just came over me. I realized a lot of things tonight, but I’ll get to that in a minute. To sum it up, there is a baby screaming its head off outside, and I am not bothered in the least by it. I’m not in my own little world… I am not high… I just am….
Anyway… back to this feeling. As I am doing my forms, I am focusing on now. Here and now. I wasn’t thinking about things from the past or what I am going to eat tomorrow for breakfast, or about how tomorrow is going to suck b/c it’s Monday… I wasn’t thinking about any of that. I was experiencing the moment for what it was… the air between my fingers, that carpet under my feet, the blood in my hands… I could feel it all and this was what happiness was tonight. My mind was free. Free from itself…
After this, I laid in bed and thought about my life and where it is right now. When I started working for… well… you know who I work for… one of my goals was to be making 100k by the time I am 30. To be honest, that doesn’t seem all that important anymore. I have a job that enables me to do the things that I want to do, be flexible and have a life outside of work. For once in my recent life, I can finally say that I am happy where I am. Content. Not complacent. Happy. The only aspect that is missing is having my family here. I miss them terribly.
I compare the above to how I was feeling a year ago at this time and it is like night and day. I feel that I have come a long way and am proud of myself for doing so. I want to make every effort to have this feeling and attitude at all times in my life no matter what.
Even though I am still too wired to sleep… my girlfriend is in the bed all alone… she’s sleeping… but still… she’s all alone. I’m gonna go keep her company…
Good night…