Dave said that I should do FGB on Friday. I didn’t want to, but he said to, so I did it. I got to the box at 4pm and did it alone. Just me and the Tabata timer. I have to say that I am somewhat happy that I was alone b/c it was pretty pitiful. Yeah, yeah, I know that just the fact that I went and did it is great and all that, but boy did it kick my ass and leave me feeling just… worse than 17 minutes prior.

I started counting my reps on the first round. When it became apparent that no PRs were gonna happen (unless you count a PR for WORST), I kinda just said “fuck it, it’s gonna be horrible anyway”, stopped counting and tried to keep it together for the rest of the 15 minutes.

Bad attitude. I know.

I do know that I got at least 10 reps every minute, so my score was AT LEAST 150. I also know that I got around 20 push presses every time and about 15 cals on the C2 each time, so perhaps I’m closer to 200. At any rate, when all was said and done, I was feeling pretty down and in the dumps about how far I am from where I used to be. I laid around for about 10-15 minutes on the foam roller inflicting pain on various parts of myself, then, when I could see straight again, got in the car and went home.

<BitchFest>

I was pretty sad and discouraged for the rest of the night. It was another one of those “nothing is really working and why the fuck am I putting all this effort in etc” waa waa waaa, you get the idea. So, it’s been a pretty much “eat whatever I want” kind of weekend b/c what the point, right? I was talking with Mike T. a few days ago and he told me that all of the people he talks to that have a hard time dropping weight have issues with sleep. Ding ding ding. My sleep is pretty much crap.

I can’t shake the feeling that I am doing all of this for nothing. Taking a step forward and 3 back. So much effort for so little return. Is there something wrong with me? How is it possible that I put in all of this work, am pretty fucking careful about what I eat most of the time and make so little progress?!? ARGH!

It’d be WAY easier to just sit around and do nothing. Honestly.

</BitchFest>

I guess though, I do have to be a bit positive and say thank you to all of the people that don’t let me fall into the little well of self pity that I commonly default to. Mostly V, but also, my friends (who I should really call family) for constantly encouraging me to just keep going despite all of this and that one day, things will be better. For also reminding me to just have fun and let go of all of this shit that I stress about. Maybe one day I will be able to do that. I will keep trying, but I hope you all will keep helping me b/c clearly, if you were not encouraging me, I’d be doing a lot more TV/Computer/video game watching, and a lot less moving around.

So, sincerely, thank you. You are the best.

Moving on.

Saturday morning, we went to open gym. V did the workout and started in on the third strength WOD of the week. This time around it was:

• 3×5 back squat: 300# – all good… felt pretty strong. Thanks to Fio and Chanse for spotting.
• 3×5 bench press: 205# – felt heavy bit still doable.
• 1×5 dead lift: 365# – again, felt heavy but still doable. I had to take a little bit more pause in between each rep to make sure that I was all set up and keeping really good form.