Going on business trips always makes me remember all of the things that I absolutely DON’T miss about working in an office:

Public bathrooms i.e. no privacy.

I hate when you have to time your bathroom visits based on complicated statistical studies of “bathroom peak usage time”. It sucks. I’m happy my hotel room is literally a 2 minute drive from this place.

Wearing uncomfortable clothing.

Business casual clothing sucks when you are skinny and the clothes look good on you. When you’re a fat bastard like me, business casual just looks bad. Couple that with the fact that I haven’t really upgraded my business wardrobe in while, well, it’s just not pretty. Don’t get me wrong… I am not a slob or “not presentable”. I just feel like I exude “I shouldn’t be wearing these clothes”.

Awkward elevator talk.

There’s nothing fucking worse than getting into an elevator with people who feel like they need to talk to each other. Why are people so uncomfortable with silence? See, if you KNOW someone that gets onto the elevator, feel free to engage in shitty small talk without involving everyone else. But, for God’s sake, why do you need to make a comment then look around the elevator to see who else cares. NO ONE CARES. SHUT UP.

Not being able to make faces when people (managers) request absolutely ridiculous things.

I will be the first to admit that if you ask something completely absurd of me, I will make a face. Sorry, can’t help it. Managers seem to do this a lot. I guess it’s because they, most of the time, don’t really understand how shit works, so, they ask completely absurd shit of people. When I have to go to an office, I have to exercise quite a bit of restraint to not make faces at people.

Cubicles.

Cubicles just suck. The mere site of a bunch of cubicles in an office gives me chills and makes me want to puke. I don’t know how I worked in that kind of environment for so long. I don’t know how other people do it either. To be surrounded by little grey walls all day is just fucking depressing.

Not being able to see outside.

There’s something about being able to see outside that makes you feel better. When I work at home, I can look out my windows to see what’s going on. Even if I never actually step food outside, it makes me feel good just to know that “outside” is right there.

People that don’t know how to end conversations.

People that don’t know how to end conversations make things so uncomfortable. If you need me to do something, walk over to where I’m sitting and ask me if I can do it. If I can do it I will. If I can’t I will tell you why. When the conversation is done, you can just say “Thanks! Bye!” and walk away. You don’t need to do that weird talking to yourself mumbling thing then slowly back away from me. What the hell is wrong with you?

People who repeat things ad-nauseam.

Yes. You told me. Yes. I got it. I got it the first time. Yes. Yes. I got it the second, third, and fourth times you told me in order to re-word whatever it is you are saying. I got it. I got it. Please don’t make me stand around at your desk any longer when you have told me what needs to happen five times five different ways when I have a ton of work to do. I. got. it.

Not having access to a kitchen which leads to me not being able to eat whenever I want to.

Yes, I work at home. Yes, I am spoiled. I can eat whatever I want whenever I want. If i need to make food because there’s nothing available, I can. If I need to run and pick something up, I can. Why? BECAUSE I’M AT MY HOUSE. Having to be at an office all day is just … soul sucking.

Thank goodness this isn’t normal.