I am tired today… and not particularly happy. Perhaps that is because I am not at home doing what I would choose to be doing, but here in a shed with no windows staring at a computer talking to people who need to read a book all day.

I did not sleep well last night. I did not go to my class last night. I fell asleep around 630pm or so and woke up around 745… I guess because of this, I was not able to fall asleep when we finally went to sleep at like 1130. I was up until about 2am watching stuff that I recorded on the DVR like Trinity Blood and Bleach.

Jose and Rafa are trying to get me to be a goalie for their soccer team. I am going to try it to see if I like it. The games would be on Tuesdays. It wouldn’t be horrible if I missed my Tai Chi classes, but they are really important to me and I don’t know if I really want to miss them.

Here’s a picture of me at work… I’ll try to take one as often as possible to see if my mood changes = ).

Yeah, ok… I know that I have moved my blog around a little bit. I had it at home for a bit, but decided to move it back here because I can’t leave my computer on all night. Also, I installed a beta of Windows Vista and didn’t reinstall my Domino server there.

So anyway… things have been alright. I have been going to Kung Fu/Tai Chi a lot and things with Stephanie have been very very good. We are actually coming up on 1 year together which makes me very happy. We are going to be going away the weekend of the 15th to celebrate it even though it’s on the 11th.

I won’t be talking about work here anymore. I know there are people at my job that can read this, so if you are really that concerned about how I feel about my job, just ask me and I’ll be glad to talk to you about it. Don’t add a connotation to that, negative or positive.

So … it looks like the last time I posted here was back in June. A good amount of stuff has happened since then.

1) Most recently, Corinna, Steph’s sister had a little baby named Sean Patrick James. He is very very cute and sure to break many hearts in the future.

2) I recently attended my 2nd Kung Fu seminar with Grandmaster Sin where we learned the 3rd and 4th roads to the Shaolin Golden Leopard forms. Meteor Fist will be in March and I absolutely cannot wait for that.

3) My birthday was on 9/24 ( just like it is every year ). It was a quiet night with just Steph and me. She did this really sweet thing where she covered the table with paper and drew a bday cake on it, then stickered pics of my family on. She also made me Hollywood brownies ( see blog entry from last year ) and got me Venture Bros. season one as well as a kick ass totally sweet pair of Pumas. It was great and I loved it.

I will be posting some more pictures from the above events sometime in the near future.

Anyhow, I have been mostly happy. Most negative feelings/thoughts these days come from that other activity that I do from 8am-5pm. Hopefully that will change soon.

Generally, I miss my family a lot and cant wait to see them. My grandparents are coming in about 3 weeks to visit for a week. I am still working on what to do with them while they are here. Then, in December, my parents are coming for a week. It will be really great to see them. I miss everyone so much. It feels like its been years since I have been home….

[RANT]
Ok, so … when you go to the supermarket, focus on the task at hand. Get off your fucking cell phone.

Now, don’t get me wrong, if you need to call home to see which detergent to buy or perhaps what the jelly situation is, by all means, have it. But, if you are strolling through the aisle at 6pm at the rate of, oh, I don’t know, .02 steps/second directly in the middle, I strongly feel that I should have the legal right to take out your knees, knock you unconscious and move you ever so slightly to the side of the aisle so that they people that are there to shop, can actually do that.

What is so god damn important that you need to be linked to your house or office while you are trying to figure out which breakfast cereal to buy? Again, extenuating circumstances excluded, get off your god damn cell phone.

Thank you.
[/RANT]

In other news, I am really tired. We watched a movie last night that ended around 12 but after that, I just could not go to sleep. I was up until about 2am just chillin out because I wasn’t tired. Turns out, I am very tired now.

Even suckier is that it is going to rain this weekend. All weekend.

Ok, so the last two items I posted about my job aren’t so bad anymore. Yeah… I was bitching, but funny how money can make things all that more bearable. Since then, I got a promotion, which came with a boost in the wallet which is always nice.

This weekend, me and Steph moved into our new apartment at the Riata. It’s an awesome apartment. You can check out what this place has to offer by going to www.riata.com. It owned by the dude that owns the Dallas Cowboys… insane.

Moving was tough thought… 2 apartments both on the second floor. Today, I am very … very sore. I will not be going to kung fu tonight…

I’m gonna take some apartment pictures tonight and I will post them soon.

April 3, 2006
Listening To The Void
Silence

All sounds, from a whisper to a classical symphony, arise out of silence and disappear into silence. But silence is always there beneath sound and is the space where sound can exist. We tend to think of silence as the absence of sound, but silence has its own weight and quality. When you listen to silence,
you can perceive its intense depth and power. Taking the time to experience silence calms the mind and rejuvenates the body. Silence is the void where we can hear the many sounds that we often ignore – the voice of our intuition telling us the truth, the sound of the breeze blowing, the hum of the radiator, and the noises we make just because we are alive.

One way to experience silence is to wake up before the rest of the world has come alive. Try not to move into activity, and leave off the lights, radio, and television. Sit still and simply listen. You may hear your heartbeat or your breath, but keep your attention tuned to the silence that surrounds you. Stay this way for as long as you can, and allow the sound of silence to penetrate your body until it moves into your core. Feel the gentle, pulsing waves of silence and allow it to cleanse you. Five minutes of communing with silence can leave you feeling vibrant and connected to the universe.

At night, choose a moment after everyone around you has retired and tune in to silence. You can also experience silence throughout the day. Even in the midst of activity, moments of silence are always present. Usually we ignore or feel nervous around silence and try to fill these moments with sound. Yet silence is always there – vast, potent, and available for us to step into any time we choose.

March 29, 2006
Keeping Conscious
Staying Grounded In A Busy World

1. Live simply and live deliberately. By choosing not to get caught up in the details of this fast-paced world, you are doing your part to slow down the . You will also discover that you have more time to enjoy being alive.

2. Stay in touch with yourself. Soul searching, meditation, and journaling are just a few of the many activities you can take part in to stay aware and learn as much as you can about your emotions, reactions, likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Having a solid sense of self gives you a firm foundation for living in this world.

3. Support or teach others as often as you can. This can help you form connections with people while also giving you an opportunity to make the world a better place.

4. Consciously choose what you will allow into your being. The media bombards us with visions of hate, war, and pain. Be judicious about what you read, watch, and listen to.

5. Acknowledge the beauty that resides around you. Whether you live in a sprawling metropolis or a stereotypical suburb, there are natural and man-made wonders just waiting to be discovered by you.

6. Nurture your ties to your tribe. If you don’t have one, create a community that you can belong to. Modern life can be isolating. When you have a tribe, you have a circle that you are a part of. Its members – loved ones, friends, or neighbors – can be a source of support, caring, guidance, and companionship.

7. See the larger picture. Remember that the way that you choose to live is not the only way to live. Widen your perspective by exploring other modes of being through research, travel, and discussion.

8. Embrace the challenges that life presents to you, and challenge yourself often. After a time, even the most exciting jobs or lifestyles can seem routine. Never stop assimilating new knowledge about whatever you are doing, and your life will never seem dull.

9. Move your body. In this busy world, it can be easy to live a sedentary life. Movement reacquaints us with our bodies and connects us to the earth in a visceral way. It also restores our vitality.

10. Make time for stillness, silence, and solitude. The world can be noisy, and we are subject to all kinds of noises nearly every waking hour. We are also often “on the go” and unable to relax. Being alone in a peaceful place and making time for quiet can help you stay in touch with yourself.

So, to start off, check this picture out…
… my mother made it a point to email this to me thie morning…

This is how I feel when I am at work. I am sorta burnt out.. I need a vacation…

In happier news, I went to a kung fu seminar in Lexington, KY this weekend to see our Grandmaster perform and teach 2 forms that haven’t been taught in a very very long time. I will not go into detail here because I really am not supposed to, but they are awesome.

I am so happy that I have started doing Kung Fu as well as Tai Chi. I am feeling better about myself and my physical condition already.

Oh well… back to work…

I think I got it. I think I finally got it…

First off, let me start by saying that I am too happy to sleep. Now, a little background. I have been taking T’ai Chi classes for almost a year now, I would say. I have been learning moves up until this point, but tonight… tonight… something different happened.

As I was practicing, this overwhelming feeling of happiness just came over me. I realized a lot of things tonight, but I’ll get to that in a minute. To sum it up, there is a baby screaming its head off outside, and I am not bothered in the least by it. I’m not in my own little world… I am not high… I just am….

Anyway… back to this feeling. As I am doing my forms, I am focusing on now. Here and now. I wasn’t thinking about things from the past or what I am going to eat tomorrow for breakfast, or about how tomorrow is going to suck b/c it’s Monday… I wasn’t thinking about any of that. I was experiencing the moment for what it was… the air between my fingers, that carpet under my feet, the blood in my hands… I could feel it all and this was what happiness was tonight. My mind was free. Free from itself…

After this, I laid in bed and thought about my life and where it is right now. When I started working for… well… you know who I work for… one of my goals was to be making 100k by the time I am 30. To be honest, that doesn’t seem all that important anymore. I have a job that enables me to do the things that I want to do, be flexible and have a life outside of work. For once in my recent life, I can finally say that I am happy where I am. Content. Not complacent. Happy. The only aspect that is missing is having my family here. I miss them terribly.

I compare the above to how I was feeling a year ago at this time and it is like night and day. I feel that I have come a long way and am proud of myself for doing so. I want to make every effort to have this feeling and attitude at all times in my life no matter what.

Even though I am still too wired to sleep… my girlfriend is in the bed all alone… she’s sleeping… but still… she’s all alone. I’m gonna go keep her company…

Good night…

Man, I am bored. I was hoping to still be sleeping, but apparently it was imperative that guys stand around on my balconey at 9am on fucking Saturday morning doing … whatever.

I have been working so much that I don’t know what to do on my day off. I feel like I should be working. I mean… I know I shouldn’t be but, like all I have done recently is work and go to kung fu. I do have the god damn fucking pinche piece of shit cell phone this weekend so, it may happen.. but hopefully not.

We went out last night for Stephanie’s friend Tiffany’s birthday. We ended up going to the Cheesecake Factory. I used to like that place… now I am starting to not. I have been to the one here in Austin twice and both times, the service has been slow and the server’s have been somewhat annoying.

Some good news… it looks like Stephanie is getting promoted at her other job. Apparently, she is going to be a manager in charge of recruiting people to work for them. That is awesome becuase it will be Monday – Friday, 9-5 and she won’t have to work on the weekends. She also won’t have to work 2 jobs anymore.

So… what’s up for the weekend? Well, I would really like to clean up my apartment. It’s a freaking mess. I have kung fu and tai chi from 130-330. Today is our 5 month anniversary, so hopefully we can go on a date = ). I think Steph’s friend is having a party at his house tonight, so we might go to that. Tomorrow, I have no idea. I just hope that the fucking phone doesn’t start ringing.

Im hungry…