{"id":23,"date":"2008-08-11T14:49:00","date_gmt":"2008-08-11T19:49:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.familyofgoldsteins.com\/?p=23"},"modified":"2008-08-11T14:49:00","modified_gmt":"2008-08-11T19:49:00","slug":"an-open-letter-to-the-texas-sun","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.familyofgoldsteins.com\/?p=23","title":{"rendered":"An open letter to the Texas sun…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Texas Sun, <\/font><\/p>\n

<\/font><\/p>\n

This is not going to be easy for you to hear, but, I think it’s important that you do. We should all be looking to better ourselves and I think this could really help you. <\/font><\/p>\n

<\/font><\/p>\n

Ready? <\/font><\/p>\n

<\/font><\/p>\n

Ok…<\/font><\/p>\n

<\/font><\/p>\n

It’s too much. It’s just TOO much. You are too much. Can you tone it down a bit please? You are WAY too overbearing. <\/font><\/p>\n

<\/font><\/p>\n

The New York sun isn’t nearly as oppressive as you. What is your deal? Were you beaten as a budding proto-star by your red giant parents and now need to take out your frustration on us tiny people? If that is the case, I suggest you start seeing a shrink because that’s just messed up. <\/font><\/p>\n

<\/font><\/p>\n

Among the aforementioned, my additional complaints are as follows: <\/font><\/p>\n

<\/font><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. I don’t even want to go outside, like, ever. I don’t want to sit outside, walk around outside, or just be outside. Never in my life have I felt bad for grass and trees, but, I do now feel really bad for them as they have to whether your constant overbearing photon bombardment. <\/font><\/li>\n
  2. You make me so grumpy and frustrated. Every time I am required to perform an action in your presence, I become a person I don’t like. I become short, frustrated, and just general complainy like. You make me do it. You suck. <\/font><\/li>\n
  3. You cost me money. I keep my thermostat on 78 in the summer, even then, my damn electric bill is close to $150. I have to water my lawn and trees more b\/c of you and that is JUST TO KEEP THEM FROM DYING. My grass feels like (to steal from Wendy’s blog) shredded wheat or some other kind of shitty cereal. Why the hell can’t you just calm down a bit??!?! Jerk.<\/font><\/li>\n
  4. You make me tired. I can’t do shit outside without feeling like I need to take like a 100 hour nap when I get done doing that 3 hour thing. Do you even know what that is like? I am 27 for fuck sake. You make me feel like I’m 90. <\/font><\/li>\n
  5. You finally get tired and start backing off in like November. NOVEMBER. Don’t you know you should start toning it down in like, September? What is there some kind of galactic trophy for "Most People Burned and Irritated Annually"? You suck. <\/font><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    <\/font><\/p>\n

    Well, Texas Sun, I hope that the above information has been informative. I am pretty sure you are a self centered asshole and won’t take any of this to heart. I still think that it is important for you to know these things. I ask, no… plead… no BEG that you consider the above grievances and take steps to resolve them. <\/font><\/p>\n

    <\/font><\/p>\n

    Thank you,<\/font><\/p>\n

    Bryan <\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Dear Texas Sun, This is not going to be easy for you to hear, but, I think it’s important that you do. We should all be looking to better ourselves and I think this could really help you. Ready? Ok… It’s too much. It’s just TOO much. You are too much. Can you tone it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-23","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.familyofgoldsteins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.familyofgoldsteins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.familyofgoldsteins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.familyofgoldsteins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.familyofgoldsteins.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=23"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/blog.familyofgoldsteins.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.familyofgoldsteins.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=23"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.familyofgoldsteins.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=23"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.familyofgoldsteins.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=23"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}